Gabbar; Kitne admi they?
Sambha; Sardar 2
Gabbar; Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba; Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar; Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba; 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar; To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba; Beech mein koi nahi aata>
Gabbar;; To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba; 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar; 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba; 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar; Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba; Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do
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Height of Kanjoosi; A Bania’s house has caught fire & he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade!
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• A Baniya walking on the road suddenly bent & touched d road n said furiously; ’Loki thuk vi aewein sutde ne jiven Rupeya peya hove!’
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• A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that she looks extremely beautiful when her lips r closed !
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• What did the Zero say to the Eight?
Nice Belt
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• Saif; My dil goes hmmmmmm...! My dil goes hmmmmmmm....! My dil goes mmmmmmMMm......!! My dil goes mmmmmmm.....!
Javed Jafri; Is this da dils or da makhis...?
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• Boy; Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain!
Gal; Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy; Bilkul nahi!
Gal; To phir rehne do...
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• A lady to another lady; Jab tera divorce hua tha tab to ek hi baccha tha aur ab 3 kaise?
She says; Woh kabhi kabhi maafi mangne aa jate the...
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• Tumhari Girl friend ka sms mila hai kahti hai koi patthar se na maare mere deewana ko twenty first century hai bomb se uda do saale ko.
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• Tabiyat thik nahi thi. Tantrik ko dikhaya, Tantrik bola bhoot ka saya hai, kisi ghor paapi ko SMS karo theek ho jaoge... Ab accha mahsus kar raha hoon.
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• Javed Jaffery proposing a girl; Hi, the babes, here is mys parpoz, with this d reds rose. Plz don’t u d rejects my parpoz b’coz I don’t parpoz d ROZ ROZ!
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Khuda Hi Khuda
Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
Jidar dekho udar khuda hai,
idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai
jidhar nahi khuda hai….udhar kal khudega!
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Recent News Headlines ; Softdrinks Contain Dangerous Pestcides.
Insan to newspaper padh sakte hain par janwaro ka
kya hoga kyonki…. Aaj kal CHEETAH BHI PEETA HAI !
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Pyaar Ise Kehte Hain
Jawani ko zindage ki nikhaar kehte hain,
pathjad ko chaman ka majdhaar kehte hain,
Ajeeb chalan hain duniya ka yaaro,
Ek Dhoka hain Jise hum sab “PYAAR” kehte hain !
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Mohabbat ki Chita
Dil tod diya ab chitha bhi jala dena,
Kafan na ho to dupatta odha dena,
Koi puche rog kya tha toh nazar jukhakar
“Mohabbat” bata dena!
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Ai mere kadardan, Dost meri Jaan,
Tum hamesha rahoge hattekhatte nawjawan
kyounki…. Khuda meherbaan to
Gadha PAHELWAAN…..
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NAMSKAR ! yeh hamari FALTOO-SMS sewa hai. is main hum logo ko waqt beh waqt DISTURB Karte hai. is sewa ka labh uthane ka dhanya wad. AB APNA KAM KIJEA
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1st gadha-yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hu vo mujhe bahut marta hai.2nd gadha-tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata.1st gadha-kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut sunder ladki hai.vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki teri shadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga.bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hu
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Just want to remind you that
I LOVE YOU Sender;
Sania Mirza +919822334455
..
ZYADA SOCH MAT,
Usne muje bheja hai.
..
Tu apna kam kar..
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Yeh jo hasinao ke baal hote hai,
ladko ko fasane ke jaal hote hai,
pee jati hai sara khoon ladko ka
tabhi to gaal itne laal hote hain…
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oon to hain hum ‘’BHRAMCHARI’’,
magar jahan dekhi ‘’NAARI’’
vahan ‘’AANKH-MAARI’’,
pat gayi to hamari,
varna phir se ‘’BHRAMCHARI’
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Harbhajan to his wife ;
Darling ! kya main tera pahila pyar hoo ?
Wife ; Kardina sardar wali baat .
Spinner ko kabhi opening milti hai kya?
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Girlfriend Ko I LUV U Bolna Hai?
Balance Khatam ?
Ab Kya Karoge ?
Kabutar K Gale
Mein Bandh K
CHITTHI Bhejoge ?
Nahi Na……….
Main Batata Hoon
Kya Karna Hai….
Girlfriend Ka Number Mujhe
De Doge Main I LUV U Boldeta Hoon!
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kabhi hosla bhi azmana chahiye,
bure waqt me muskurana bhi chahiye,
chahe kitni bhoi thand pade hafte me
ek baar to nahana chahiye
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wo pade kya jise me dali na ho
nwo bag kya jise me mali na ho
wo ghar kya jise me ghar wali na
ho aur wo mard kya jiseki bahar wali naho
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Haath mein takat hai to Tajmahal ko hila kar dekh…
Warna..
Aa baith ke do peg whiskey maar aur
Tajmahal ko hilta hua dekh…
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Na o inkar karti hai na
o ikrar karti hai,kambakt
mere hi sapno me aake mere
dost se pyr karti hai
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wah re gandhi kaise chali teri andhi ,
wah re gandhi kaise chali teri andhi
aaya tha longot main pahoonch
gay paanch soo ki note main.
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Ek Aadmi ne apni wife ko khat
likha Is mahine salary ki bajaye
100 ksii bhej raha hu,
Wife ne Jawab diya apke salary ki bajaye 100 kiss mile;
Hisab bhej rahi hu, Doodh wala 2 kiss me maan gaya,
Teacher ko 7 deni padi, Sabjiwala 7 me nahi mana isliye
9 deni padi, Makan malik to roj 6-7 le jata hai.
Aap chinta mat karna mere pass abhi
bhi 30 - 40 bachihai, mahina aaram se kat jayega.
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College ki galion mein ajjeb khel hota hai,
Class ke bahane dilo ka male hota hai,
Padne ki jagah luvmail hoat hai,
Isliye to Pappu har saal fail hota hai…..
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Andheri sadak,
sunsan kabristan,
sooni haveli,
kala asmaan,
rat hogai soja shaitan..
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Tum door sahi majboor sahi,
par yaad tumhari aati hai,
Jab saans wahan par
leti ho toh badboo yahaan par aati hai.
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teri julf hai ya raat ka andhera,
teri julf hai ya raat ka andhera,
ho ja GANJI kar de sawera
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Ladkiyon ke college me strike thi,
Ladke bhi unke saath the
..Ladkiyon ne naara lagaya.
..HUMARI MAANGE
Pichhe se awaaz aayi SINDHUR SE BHARO….
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Durakht ke paymane pe chilman
E husn ka furkat se sharmana..
. Durakht ke paymane pe chilman
E husn ka furkat se sharmana…
Ye line samajh me aaye to mujhe zaroor batana
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Gunghat Mein Tujhe Dekha To Deewanna Hua,
Sangeet Ka Taraana Hua, Shamaa Ka Parwana Hua,
Masti Ka mastaana Hua,
Jaise Hi Gunghat Uthaya Is Duniya Se Ravana Hua
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Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho, ??
hum DETTOL k siva kuch laagate nahi.
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Hotho se jo choo liya, Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanson mein Aag ab tak hain,
Aur kyon na ho...
Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirch' hai.
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Suraj paas ho na ho, Roshni aaspaas rehti hai,
Chand paas ho na ho, Chandni aaspaas rehti hai,
Waise hi aap paas ho na ho, Apki Yaadein hamesha saath rehti hai!
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Aksar jab hum aapko yaad karte hain,
Apne rab se yehi fariyad karte hain,
Umar hamari bhi lag jaye aapko,
Kyonki hum doston ko khud se zyada pyar karte hain.
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What is the difference between Mother & Wife?
Mother brings you into this world crying...
& the Wife ensures you Continue to do so!!
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One day an elephant was injured in a trajic accident. And the elephant was at the hospital the doctors found out that the elephant was losing a lot of blood.
The news went out of the hospital all the way to a western jungle.
A friend of the elephant a bug heard the news and rushed to the hospital.
A doctor asked the puny little bug why he was at the hospital.
The bug replied that the elephant was his friend and he was here to donate blood to the suffering elephant!
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Sehwag's wife wants him to go to the market, but Sehwag is afraid to venture out in public.
He feels people will go after him for his dismal performance on the field with the willow.
So he does go to the market dressed as a woman.
There, a beautiful woman comes up to him and says, "Kya Sehwag, kaise ho?"
Surprised Sehwag asks, "How do you know?
The woman says, "Pehchana nahin? Mein Sachin!"
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Mother: Beta dhoop main khade kiya kar rahe ho?
Son: Ammi paseena sukha raha hooon.
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Santa Singh: What is the full form of singh?
Banta Singh: S-santa I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.
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Santa Singh, zebra crossing ki black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalta tha,
woh kya soch raha hoga....think............. ??
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KiYON NAHI"
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Nurse: Santa ji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Santa Singh: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!
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The IB, CBI and Delhi Police are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The PM decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch. The IB goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The CBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The Delhi Police goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
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What did the Zero say to the Eight? Nice Belt
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Glass Of Water One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'' ''No. You had your chance.'' A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'' ''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'' ''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?
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The bad and the worse news
A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Man: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.
Man: That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!
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The prison hospital
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit
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Driving exams worry me
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!
Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually.
Liz: I'm the examiner!
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Will I live any longer?
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer
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I have good news and bad news
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
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Is she feeling any better?
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
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What is your problem?
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
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I want to lose some weight
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
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